The Return

Bangalore or (to be politically correct)Bangalooru appeared a random assemblage of clustered settlements encircled all around by a melange' of narrow black bands. The monotony of this scene was often broken by occassional patches of green symbolising playgrounds or a mass of still dark liquid that probably stood for a lake or a pond. I was a silent and awe-struck witness to this scenery from 12000 feet above the ground abraod flight 9W-737 of Jet Airways, that incidently was, my maiden air journey. The last 50 minutes seemed to had passed in a frantic whirlpool of feelings that ranged from elation to fear as I looked out of the window, down into the deep white misty abyss of clouds and contemplated on my vulnerbility. And now, as flight supervisor announced our arrival at the destination, I somehow could not help feeling stupid about covering this 50 minute journey in 12 hours though I knew full well that I would soon be repeating this stupidity!

Very soon the plane swooped down the runway like a vulture plunging on its helpless pray and a gentle thud of wheels touching the ground with the skidding sound of brakes being applied told me that I had been grounded to the level of petty earthlings once again. The building which just seconds ago appeared like tiny dots now stood tall and seemed to mock my apparant demotion. So back in Bangalooru, the city of opportunities, where as the legend goes, a stone thrown at random would most likely hit a software engineer...I wondered what future holds for me and I marvelled how will I fare in this stint of mine!

Fare negotiation with auto driver was precluded by the way he smartly put on the meter the moment I plunged inside. In 2 minutes I was out into the frantic Bangalore evening traffic..cars, bikes, scooters, autos and pedestrians..everyone jostling for road space and this mellee' seemed to be only worsened by the red lights I encountered every 200 meters on the road. My friend was staying in a place called E.G Pura. "Its a 2 BHK with 7500Rs rent", he had informed me. And then as if to be on a safer side, he had duely added: "..but the locality is not so good..". Not even his most earnest riders would have prepared me for the sight I witnessed 15 minutes later.

The auto turned into a side street that branched off from the main road. "Not so bad..", I thought. The road was still broad and the houses on either side looked descent. And then it took another turn..this time in a street lined with cheap bakery, tea and accessories shops..this one was narrower. The descent houses had reduced to one floored independent buildings.."still tolerable.." I hoped that it was the end..but I was wrong..it was the beginning. Another turn took the auto into a lane that might be easily compared to the shabby alley next to our ancestral house at Hardoi. It was a dirty narrow alley, with children freely criss-crossing the road and 1 room houses clustered together randomly on its sides. And just when I thought that this might be the abode of some hapless creatures with meagre earnings, my myth was duely busted when I saw a guy flaunting an IBM tag entering into a caverenous stairway that led to a small 2-room house.

Welcome to E.G Pura Slums, the Software Engineer ghetto, where a "3 BHK" shanty accomodating "Software Engineers" from MNCs will cost Rs. 7500 per month! And they say that outsiders have ruined Bangalooru..!!!

The trip to 7th Heaven (Restaurant)

It all started from a mail on my ID,
My ex-Flat Mates had invited me for my farewell party!
And more exciting than party was the trip on the car,
For it was our dear old Nikie's very own brand new Wagon R.

We were to be liberated of that shared auto stigma,
The black-thing was expected to dazzle onlookers with its charisma.
I plunged right in and could see the perpectual end to my travelling travail,
"Turn on the audio and let the music prevail".

From the driver's seat Nikie turned,
"Audio?" he exclaimed, his voice stunned...
My car is new and I am a novice driver,
Sit silent and don't disturb or you will be doomed forever!

I shuddered when I realised my situation,
Nikie was a driver soaked in perspiration.
On his side sat Rohit,taut with tension,
His eyes on road, wide open with concern and attention.

Finally the ignition key turned and the engine roared,
My heart was thrilled and my spirits soared.
Nikie was nervous and Rohit grunted with a scoff-
"Tighten your seat belt guys we are all set to take-off!"

The black-thing shook and with a jerk it lunged forward,
I prayed for my life, was I a coward?
I whispered Rohit to atleast turn the AC on,
He pressed a button and a blast of warm air was thrown..

"Not this button stupid", Nikie muttered,
The moment his eyes turned away from road, the vehicle shuddered.
"Hey you manage the car, we don't need AC"..I cried aloud..
But my exclaimation was drowned in Nikie's shout.

The car seemed to follow a twisted trajectory,
Where it was going seemed to be a devlish mystery..
"Please for God's sake manage the car", we all cried..
"Oh..I thought its a turn", he replied with a wry smile!

A turn of steering and the car took the proper course,
Outside, a group of cool damsels gave us a look most morose..
Impression was a far thing our group was drowned..
On the main road we were like a bunch of novice clowns!

Now cautiously, we trailed behind a huge truck,
While shared autos and scooters merrily overtook us.
"Try to overtake that", I ventured an advice..
"I dare not", came Nikie's terse and final reply.

Rohit was Nikie's manual GPS, his guide on this tour,
For when on wheel Nikie seemed to forget all traffic rules!
And I was aghast when suddenly the car careened..
Nikie's innocent voice boomed:"Please tell me if the signal is green!"

The car trudged on and Nikie kept explaining..
"When on wheel I concentrate only on driving,
I forget the signals, I don't care about roads
So I may not always follow a straight course!"

I cursed the moment when I accepted this offer,
But the turns of destiny were beyond my power!
I thought it would be a smooth ride but I was mistaken,
I wondered if our destination was aptly named as "Seventh Heaven"!

Finally after multiple gaffes, twists and turns,
When my appetite was lost and my mind was numb...
We reached our destination and as Nikie zoomed into parking slot,
With a heavy jerk of sudden braking the car came to a stop.

The last jerk gave my head the final thud against the front seat,
Engine fell silent and our journey was complete.
We travelled 20 Km an hour, what an incredible speed!
My heart told me never to accept offer for such treats.

But as we chatted over the dinner and stuffed our plate,
I thought that I had gathered a pretty interesting experience to narrate.
It was an adventurous journey,with a happy end,
Thats why I have accepted Nikie's offer for another long drive this weekend!

Sherlock Holmes in Bangalore!

Preface:

This is the hypothetical narration of what might follow if the great genious of Sherlock Holmes were to concertrate its energy on the software engineers at India. So we take a flight in time and Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson find themselves in a humble lodging at BTM Layout, a far cry from 221B Bakers Street, blame the outsourcing of detective services to India that deprived them of their mental stimulant! Well Mr. Holmes believes that most challanging cases can be found only where most brilliant minds exist. Spurred by these thoughts with a determination to turn outsourcing on its head, the two detectives head for Bangalore, the so-called Indian Silicon Valley.

The First Adventure
By : Dr. Watson

Myself and Holmes sat in our humble 1-BHK lodging at BTM Layout, 2nd Main,16th Cross, Bangalore. The transition from 221B Bakers Street,London to 16th Cross, BTM Layout, Bangalore was far from smooth. Our new landlady, sceptical of my friend's queer pre-occupation with chemicals and pistols, had often threatened to turn us out of the lodging. It was only after repeated supplications and promises of good behavior that we were allowed to continue our stay. Her protests were also gagged by the extreme respect that my friend had come to command amognst the new clan of workmen called "software engineer" living around us. In fact our London practice having been exhausted, thanks to the outsourcing of medical and detective services, we knew that our talents would be better utilized in India. So I had come back to the square one, for it was from India that I had started my fateful military carrear that came to a abrupt termination after the injuries I endured in Afghan war. In India I also had the humble privilege of teaching a point or two about survival in tropical countries to my more illustrious companion who took a great time to switch from the scrambled egg London breakfast to a South Indian bread called "Idli".

India had given new dimension to the natural flair of Holmes for he had got new subjects to study and try his skills upon. His eyes would keenly study the young workmen lounging around in BTM Layout and he would enthrall me with his fantastic deductions. His conclusions verged on incredible, but having tested his knowledge on most singular cases in London, I had little reason to be sceptical of his deductions. Once we were out on the streets of BTM layout for our usual night walk at 8:00PM. Holmes was clearly exasperated with the lack of mental stimulants eversince we left London. I feared that he might relapse into his old Cocaine injections again. But today he seemed to be on some keen scent and he diligently observed a well dressed young man who sat on a shack eating Idly for his dinner. I knew that only something extraordinary could hook my companion's attention in this way, so I too looked keenly at the young man, trying to read my friend's mind all the while. But try as I might, I failed to understand what was so singular in this young man in pleated trousers and neck-tie with a morose face that could warrant my friend's keen attention. Presently the fellow's mobile rang and he took the call that seemed to make him so excited and jubliant that he left his dinner and stood up with a jerk spilling the sambhar over his clean trousers in this process. After the call he muttered some gibberish and walked excitedly on the road when to my extreme surprise Holmes lunged towards him and shouted-"Congratulations for your new job at Oracle, worried about breaking bond at Infosys?"...even if an electric shock had hit this worker his reaction could not have been more bizarre..the colour had drained from his face and with a blank expression and terrified eyes he stood petrified, facing my companion. Finally he found his voice, "thats none of your business", he muttered. It was clear even to me that he was trying to conceal his predicament in the guise of pretentious anger. "None of my business young man...not at all..." Holmes continued with his usual indifferent tone.."but just a suggestion..you could have rather applied for a job in your home state of Bihar when you have planned to leave Infosys, you are afterall a passout of IIT Chennai, Civil Branch.." and the young worker was aghast, his feet transfixed on the ground, the expression of fear had returned revealing his vulnerabilty. "Sir are you an Infosys HR?" he finally mumbled even as his legs shook as if he had been caught in midst of a serious crime. "No..no..not HR..whatever that means...but I am indeed a person of some common sense and could therefore tell your antecedents..". This indifference seemed to infuriate the guy, his tone turned stern as he spoke:"Look Boss don't play games with me..tell me staright from where did you lay your hands on my personal data, you think I will be blackmailed by the likes of you? You are mistaken..I know people like you but I am a North Indian..I will see you.." he had slipped into an emotional outburst, his face turning red with anger and his fists tilting at windmills in the air.

Our heated exchange had attracted many young workers and I found myself and Holmes surrounded by a throng of curious workmen. "Well young man", Holmes continued, "..I never imagined that my simple deductions would have this devastating effect on you..if you would care to follow me to my lodgings, I would be most happy to explain you the path through which I arrived at my obvious conclusions". This seemed to pacify the young workman and he shrugged his shoulder saying: "When you know so much then I could as well follow you.." Even I was curious about his deductions, more so as to how on the earth he could possible tell the native state, the college and even the branch of study of the young worker. But I knew that Holmes was fond of thrilling denoument and would not reveal anything till he wants to. So I kept silent while Holmes engaged the young man in an animated discussion over the working conditions in the famous Indian factories called Satyam, Wipro, TCS and Infosys...from where he had gathered this enormous knowledge was still beyond my comprehension.

"Welcome Neeraj, pray make yourself comfortable", Holmes said as he turned the key into the selflocked door of our appartment. The young man seemed to be flabberghasted on hearing his name from Holmes and I felt that he had some fear in his heart which he could find turning true. Again it seemed most singular to me that Holmes knew the name of this young man from North India. Hardly did we sit when the young man burst into tears followed by a pitiful apology interrupted by the fits of sobs. "Please forgive me Sir..I request you please don't tell this to anyone..I really wanted to break the bond as Oracle was offering me a raise in salary..I know that you are an Infy HR, please don't hide this from me..please tell me who you are"...Holmes seemed to most amused at his pathetic state .He poured some brandy in a glass and pushed it over to him "Here have this, this should soothe your nerves..". The colour seemed to return back on his face and young man looked expectantly towards Holmes who presently sat before him rubbing his hands as a conjurer about to perform the most astonishing trick. I could cleary see that he was flattered by the way his maiden deductions in India had turned correct.
"Well young man" Holmes begun in his authoritative tone,"I never knew that my simple deuctions would have this effect on you! Well I would guide you step by step through the chain of thoughts that led to these conclusions which unfortunately had this most adverse impact on you, my apologies for that". Holmed cleared his throat and the young workman stood still, his ears tuned to his each word. "I first saw you eating Idli at the roadside shack when I was on a nightwalk with my most admirable companion Doctor Watson..now today is Monday and only a Infosys or Iflex workman can be expected to be dressed in a formal neck-tie and shirt on this day..this led me to believe that you are from one of these two companies. Further your shoulders were drooping and your facial expression was dour also although today is just second of the month, you were eating Idli for dinner, these facts led me to believe that you are from Infosys as an Iflex workman would not feel so low and rein his finances so much on the second day of getting the salary. Also since your shoes were shining and your dress was well-pressed and prim, I concluded that you are still not entirely deluded by the great Indian Corporate sweatshop factory. This led me believe that you were a Fresher from some college and still a trainee as in Infosys all freshers are initally trainees" Holmes stopped for a breath while the young man sat dumb, clearly overawed by my friend's narration. Holmes took his pipe and after a deep puff continued: "..even as I was approaching you to confirm my deductions I saw that your cell-phone rang and the ringtone of a typical Hindi song confirmed that you are from North India. When you talked you stretched your each word and your "Shall" was pronounced as "Ssaail",in other words you turned your "Sh" into "Ss"..clearly you were from a North indian state with this pronounciation and it does not take a genious to infer that you are from Bihar!". Even I was surprised at the rate my friend had learnt all these facts about India. The secret of the hours he spent on browsing India centric sites on his laptop now begun to unveil itself before me. Holmes cleared his throat, placed his pipe aside and continued: "..you were talking about joining, relocation and salary on phone. Your voice was enthusiastic, your hands fumbling and you did not care a damn when that plate of Sambhar fell on your well-pressed trousers...clearly you had just received an offer from a company"..at this point the young man interjected: "..But how on earth you knew its Oracle?". Holmes passed a benevolent smile "Patience lad, let me continue, you were secretive in your talks and talked of you being an IITian and air-fare for Hyderabad being reimbursed..now no Indian sweatshop could reimburse air-fare for Freshers..clearly the offer was from a MNC, whose name I still did not know. Also since you were a trainee in Infosys, you had clearly joined it from college that was an IIT. Then after your call was over you cried in an ecstatic voice "Rumba Nalla Offer..", well then you were a Bihari from IIT speaking Tamil...I think you will agree with me young man that it takes no great brains to infer that you were from IIT Chennai. Now who on the earth from IIT Chennai would join Infosys? Clearly, he would be a person with a not-so-good branch...that settled the matter, you could be either from Civil or from Mechanical"..the young man shuffled in his seat staring incredulously at Holmes. "So now I thought, here is a Fresher from IIT Chennai at Infosys receiving the job offer from a reputed MNC at Hyderabad...that MNC must be a software company taking in graduates regardless of their branch...and now if you are aware of software MNC's in Hyderabad satisfying these coditions, it takes no great effort to infer that your offer was from Oracle"...Young Man almost fell from his seat and I could clearly see that his adulation and astonishment had a stimulating effect on my friend and he continued with greater fervour: "So you see young man, when I actually came close to you,my first inference was validated with a casual glance on the doggy tag that you still adore on your neck...it bears the name of Infosys..this encouraged me to ask my first question and your faded face revealed that my assumptions were all on the mark. Well, I must acknowledge that my second question was a rather long shot..as I was still not sure of your branch, but I think you would confess that I did a remarkable job overall!" Young man stood aghast, staring at Holmes. I broke the silence of the room.."And how did you know that his name is Neeraj?"...Holmes answered with a smile:"Well Watson sometimes people give me credit where its not due...in fact this young man himself told me during our little conversation on the way back to our lodgings that "No one can intimidate Neeraj", its all about listening and noting you see.." Neeraj, the subject of our little adventure stood up, his eyes downcast and addressed my companion: "Mr. Holmes you are a genious..I would see to it that the exploited workmen of Bangalore find solace in your keen mind and wisdom". "Tut..tut Neeraj, thats nothing,in fact I would be more than happy if somebody could give me the much needed stimulant here..." Neeraj walked out taking the E-mail address of my companion with a promise to get us a case soon. I wondered if we were turning to our old profession again.

Long after the young man had gone Holmes sat on the deep plush sofa provided by our landlady browsing Indian companies sites on his laptop, his face stuck on the screen, his mental faculties keenly observing and assimilating the length and breadth of India and its new found software factories, storing everything in that ingenious storehouse that had so recently amazed their humble worker. He suddenly stood and announced: "Good news Watson, we have got a case from another of those workers on my mail id"..and I knew that our tryst with India had just begun.