A typical day in C-World Post MBA

Some changes and also back to the square one.

First the changes: I am married to my long time fiance'. The marriage was a traditional Indian one with all the lavish affair, people dancing on the road et al...anyways, once in lifetime you do need to participate in this 'fancy dress' party for the sake of traditions, so no point in grumbling about that. The marriage life of course has its own set of blues, but more on that later....

But now, its back to the square one, literally. (My new office is in a location called "Square One"!!) I am back to the corporate world from the world of academics. Its, as usual, a sea of cublicles interspersed by "meeting rooms" (here u also have "huddle rooms" and "calling booths") and terminated by a coffee machine dispensing synthetically brewed "office coffee" which intimidates me. Oh how I remember the simple pleasure of lying on my cot in front of the table in college and browsing through the books I liked at my own leisure. But thats a passe'..I am now bound to sit on a chair (which can be twisted and turned in multifarious ways, the exact mechanism of which I am yet to learn) and keep peering at the laptop. Now thats another change...I now flaunt a laptop instead of a desktop. So, instead of being tied to a tether for 8 hours a day, I now carry the tether whereever I move. Nice change, isn't it?

Lets go through a typical day at this new abode.

I start off from my apartment wishing that I do not meet a colleague enroute. And why do I want to avoid this? Probably because I'm sick of all those synthetic talks. Once with someone from office, even the most Indian person makes it a point to talk in English and sound cheerful..so here goes the first greeting...(heavily accented).."Hi man..Good Morrrrning...so how is it going?"...well, I'm baffled...to start with, I do not know this guy, elsewhere he could have chosen to ignore me, but why its here, while going to office, does he make it a point to greet me in a way that sounds as if we were old buddies! Next, what's the point in "How is it going"...come on, you know I won't say like: "Now that you have met me, its going really pathetic..bad morning!"..well this is so naive, don't I know that this is "small talk" and thats what that matters in office. I wish I could make it big in "small talk"!!

Somehow, trudging and trailing along, I reach the office buliding. The huge glass and marble cage greets me. As I move on, I am joined by several smaller streams of people going towards the same sea of concrete, Office. I stand non-chalantly at the elevator bank, a smile (which is clearly sham) adorns my face. This is to mechanically respond to all the Hi's being muttered around me. Some people will pretend to be overly busy...they will just keep looking up or looking down, or simply be lost with those two small appendages in their ears. The elevator's sharp "Ding Dong" breaks my trance. I move along with mass of well-dressed humanity and board it. (My biggest unfulfilled fantasy is to go in an empty elevator, right upto my floor, without stopping..till now I have got to do this only on Sat and Sun)...as elevator goes up, i stand behind the masses in deathly silence. Its an almost eerie, as if everyone is mourning over something....I pass time by pretending to look at mirror in front and commenting (of course silently) on the people around. "The lady next to door is wearing too short a skirt..her legs are real slim...the guy next to her is so gruff, he is pretending as if he is going to announce quarterly results of entire company right outside the elevator...the madam next to him is so cute...her tresses are real curly...the uncle near the elevator button panel seem to scream that he is carrying a NEW APPLE LAPTOP...the guy next to me thinks that all the songs should be heared by others around him as well, the cacophony is seeping out of his stupid appendages...the aunty next....", my reverie is broken by another "Ding-Dong"..there are some "Excuse Me"..there is general murmur and confusion. Invariably, someone whose floor was the first one stands at back and then mutters several excuxe mes' before getting out of the bloody machine. Anyways, I realize that I had forgot to press the button for my floor and hence repeat the same sequence on my journey down to my floor. Thankfully, this time I am along with a lady. I spend time in X-Raying her autonomy through the mirror in front.

Ah Finally, I am into the Karma Bhumi..the OFFICE. I pull out my doggy tag out of my pocket and wave it over the door. "Khul Ja Sim Sim"....and the mysterious glass door spreads its fangs to let me in. I go to the board where all those seating tags are placed. It's "flexi-seating" and I look for the seat farthest from my boss or a intruding colleague. I stick my tag and move inside, only to discover that the seat is occupied by some moron who did not care to put his/her tag on the board. Anyway, I take a deep breadth and stand apart, mentally deciding the most appropriate and empty seat. I spot one after around 4 iterations (till now everyone knows that here is a confused soul looking for a place to sit) and first keep my bag and then put the tag. Ah..big deal, finally I got a place to sit, what next?

I keep my bag and take out my mobile phone charger, laptop charger and laptop in that order. I plug in the chargers, the red lights light up to show that I am in the danger zone now. I plug-in the LAN cable and half-heartedly pull up the laptop cover, press the ctrl-alt-delete sequence, and the show begins! If there was no microsoft outlook, there would have been nothing to do in the office before lunch. But its here and so all the mails come pouring in. I keep counting with anticipation as mails are downloading with snail pace....I wish it could be slower for it helps me to show myself as busy, simply staring at the screen. 10,11,12...the count goes on and I am more and more happy...it has stopped at 17 e-mails...good enough to last the entire day.

Now e-mails in the office can be classified into 3 broad categories: Official, Forwarded and Global. The rough proportion of these three categories in the daily quota of received mails is 20-50-30 percent respectively.

I first go through the forwarded stuff. Wow..thanks to all these friends around the world who are equally free in office, I get to read and see loads of PJs, lewd jokes, morphed pictures, fake stories, warnings to forward the stuff 6/10/20 times (these days these guys r getting ambitious, they have made their threats sound more potent and number of forwards required is also increasing...good, at least someone is preogressing) and all other kinds of trash. Wading through this mound of trash is interesting and it easily consumes the first hour, by which time the decible levels around me have substantially increased. I don't know why people make it a point that their animatic telephonic discussions, stupid mobile ring tones, pathetic jokes and everything they utter should be heared by everyone around....is there a thing called privacy in this damn society???

Anyway, I now move to global stuff. The global e-mails want to somehow tell you what's happening in this "big multinational organization", who has been transfered, who has done a charity work, what's happening in different units, how we are living in great/challenging/awesome times (depending upon whether some business leader, CEO or HR manager wrote it)... blah..blah..blah..Give me a break man...I'm unable to manage my own life, how the hell should I bother if some "Tim Moody" has been replaced by some "Scott Redge" in some high-falutin place like New-York? It neither changes my life nor does it changes my salary, so why bother? And by the way, each day is the same, I never realize that we are living in any awesome time or something. In any case, I do read Global stuff for 2 reasons- one it helps you to show yourself busy while doing something that's politically correct (excuse me, I am reading the mail from "Business Leader") and more importantly, it helps to pass 1-2 hours.

How much I tried to avoid it but it has to be read finally. I start going through official mails. They can be sub-classified into 2 categories: Actionable and FYI. The FYI mails are good..they make a good read, keep u updated on the latest gossip, provide material to bitch about a colleague and help u know the latest on grape-vine. Now I come to the "actionable" ones..ok..so they need action. Its already 2.5 hours in office and half an hour later it will be lunch. So why bother about reading them right away...I take a deep breadth and move towards the coffee machine.

I pass through the other souls who are either peering on their lap-top screens, talking on mobile phones, wringing their hands excitedly in a conference room or writing something aredently on that white-board inside the room in pens of multifarious color. I look around to see if no one is around the place (thats because my way of making coffee is very weird and here people may find it disconcerting) and if there is none, I quickly move towards the machine. I ignore the machine (I make it manually consume maximum time), pull out the following: 3 sachets of milk powder, 1 sachet to sugar and 2 sachet of Nescafe'. Next I take a glass and fill it 3 quarter with hot water and remaining with cold water. I put all sachets in my pocket and take the glass in the hand (carefully scanning if anybody is looking at me) and then stealthily move out of the place. Just as I reach my seat, I find that I forgot to get the stirrer. Now, this makes things interesting. I have already a bunch of sachets at my desk, can't leave it here or pocket it before others...so I do the best thing, I cover it with my bag, keep the glass on my desk and move to get the stirrer. Once back on table, I am all set to make the coffee. I pour all the sachets in the glass (which is semi-hot) and stir it vigourously. The result is a unique concotation which probably none in the office would have tasted. I sip it and try to keep staring at my laptop pretending that I am seriously at work. This is official coffee, and the biggest advantage of my way of making it is that its so much time consuming, it takes around 5 mins to get the first sip!

Its the lunch time now, public has started moving out. Some people are social, they will just keep shouting "lunch..lunch..." even as they briskly wade through this sea of cubicles with 2-3 friends, addressing no one in particular. What an idea to invite all without taking anyone along!! Within 10-15 mins the office is silent. The coffee is also over and I am still trying to figure out the content of first actionable mail! Half an hour into the one-hour lunch, I decide to move out. I venture out alone (deliberately) and get down the building. These are few moments of independence. I enjoy them to the fullest by enjoying the savory smell emanating out of "Doughnut Factory" and "Bread Talk"..I even move around some shops imagining the taste but each time the desire gets overwhelming, I remember my salary, my responsibilities (I am married, I told earlier!) , my budget and the displayed cost. Result: I scurry out of the shop. I then take one complete iteration of Square One..I avoid the frequently visited areas to preclude any chance of bumping into a colleague and finally take the lift back to my floor. I prepare a glass of Milo the same way as coffee (Milo sachet replaces the Nescafe scahet) and my lunch is over! The good thing about doing it this way is that, those who eat upstairs think that I ate down and those who go down think that I ate up and in any case, no one was very concerned, so no one ever invites me and I am also saved the trouble of having to engage in more synthetic laughters and sugary talks. I can see across the glass that public is also having "working lunch" right inside the conference/collaboration rooms..now thats the height of business!

Well, its around 1:00PM and 5 hours still to go. Just when I start getting the gist of first actionable mail and am composing a reply, there comes this reminder. "Meeting at 1:30 PM"...good so here is an opportunity for some real cool time-pass. I get up at 1:25PM and start roaming around the meeting room. Initially I did not take laptop to the meetings but having attended few of them and having seen people around me busily exchanging messages on messanger or e-mailing, even as some excel-sheet gravid with numbers spread acorss the projector screen, I have also started taking my laptop inside. I have no one to chat with, so I keep reading the "Business Standard" e-paper.

10 mins past the due time for meeting, slowly everyone arrives and then I enter and occupy some corner seat to avoid as much attention as possible. if its a conference call then thats great..I mean I need to simply sit back and read my e-paper while some people, who are ACTUALLY required in the meeting will bark inside that 3 legged-black-demon on table. But if its face to face meeting then I need to pretend to pay attention, nod my head in agreement while looking at projector with interest, appreciate all the multifarious colors being practiced upon the poor white board in front and finally ask some questions which sound curious. Over and above this, I also need to pretend as if I am making ardent notes. The best contribution is to summarize the discussion and then come up with "next steps". One who does this, takes the cake.

In one hour, meeting is over. Some people, who are proficient in office culture, make it point to make some positive statement, especially when the boss is around.."Nice discussion", "Meaningful steps", "We are going ahead" etc..etc... I simply look at others and when everone starts leaving, I take the cue to exit that cold room whose temperature seems to be invariably set below normal. The meetings has left me cold..before I go for another round of mail check, I need to go to toilet.

Toilet, now thats another curious place in the office. Actually, "Rest Room" as it is called in our corporate world, is a place in its own right. Some people take the name seriously and come here to actually rest! Its my strong hypothesis that 90% people who enter the toilet chamber in the rest room, go there to sleep. Otherwise, Im a loss to explain the timelag between their entry and exit. Unfortunately I can never actually test my hyposthesis, but putting my ears behind the closed doors, I've often heared snores instead of "sounds" that you would expect in such "moments". And I confess to have done so. Outside these sleeping chambers, there is this row of sparking white pots embedded in walls, too deeply set to become embarrasing if someone decides to relieve himself standing right next to you. If this happens with me, I pretend to look right in front, staring at the wall. Imagine the worst case: if your GM/Director stands next to you and you are forced to talk business while performing a task as relieving as peeing....God save you! Thankfully, this has never happened with me and to avoid this I always use the corner-most pot.

After a 20 min of refreshing sleep in the "Rest Room", I come out after pulling out my due share of office tissues and burning my hands below the dryer. Now I start looking at more "Action Mails": someone needs market share data, I take information from one folder and attach it to mail without caring to trim it, sending more than 1MB mail hurtling down the server;another one requires "update" on last meeting, I simply research my Inbox, copy-paste the contents and reply back in form of an e-mail collage having writing in 3 different fonts; third mail asks me to "get back asap on next steps" on a project, I simply put some old data and type: "Rest is WIP.." and the reply is done. Thus I have dealt with all the mails with Boss duely in the cc...if in the end of the day I have at least had 15 e-mails in "Sent Items" folder (excluding acceptance mail to meeting requests!), I assume that I have driven enough "actionability". After "driving action" for about 2 hours, I realize that I am feeling drowsy again...I look around and find lots of "action" being driven around me....people are chatting (no, sorry, they are "collaborating"), some are laughing boisterously at God-knows-what joke (sorry, they are simply "letting themselves lose"), some are in an animated discussion, wringing their hands (they are actually trying to bring "alignment") and the people who went screaming "lunch-lunch" at 12:00 are now passing by shouting "coffee-coffee" to no one in particular and are followed by their loyal entourage .

I keep replying to action mails, some of them have generated a chain of replies and I keep replying until the subject field is filled with "Re Re Re...." Computer clock shows 5:30PM and atmosphere is changing. This is a moment I curse my choice of seat in morning. Next to me there will be some "visible" personality and people (including Bosses) will swarm aroound him/her, cracking innane jokes and laughing senselessly. Even the most stupid joke of Boss will be greeted with a guffaw and his/her each statement would elicit excitement. At this time Indians are speaking in a pidgin language: "My saas said xyz to me", "He cooks so ganda", "Chalo then, see you, bye"...I bear everything, trying to keep myself awake and counting the number of e-mails in my sent items folder.

Finally its 6:15, "Chalo then" has intensified and the group around me has dissipated. I too decide to call it a day after counting the number in my "sent items" folder for the day (I told you, 15 means a good day). I pull back the chargers in the sequence I had plugged them in, keep the laptop in the bag and zip it up. One last glance around me and I'm so happy for being independent. For the first time my feet are active and I move out of elevator merrily munching the apple. Having stepped out of the glass and marble charisma, I feel so relieved....at last I'm back to my house, a world where I can be on my own. where being "politically correct" does not matter and where no one would impinge on my personal freedom or try to mould me into someone thats not me...

A great day in office has just ended. Eroute home, rocking with the rhythm of train wheels, I marvel that its a working day of a Rank-2 in college, a merit-holder in school, an Electrical Engineer and a Marketing and Finance MBA!! But thats how the corporate world works...you need to unlearn everything thats academic before learning to survive here. I wonder then why I spent my 6 years in "learning" on the first place!