I am back

 Last post here was in 2009. And now, in 2024, its the 40+ year old me writing again.

15 years is a long time. I am married, I have 2 daughters, one of whom is teenaged.

The times of recession in 2008, those college days, those adventures of train and those shenanigans of common room sound so juvenile and yet so adorable. 

India has changed, tech-wave is sweeping across the country. We have media at our finger tips, video calls are a habit, e-commerce is mainstream, Google map guides us, Google has become our teacher. And we are living in times when social media influencers rule the roost. Blogging for self, without any expectation of audience, likes or shares itself seems so old-school and a fool-hardy pursuit!

Reading my old posts, it seems I am living in a different world altogether.

Well, I will try to reconcile the past and the future- and hopefully in the next few posts will try to find a rhythm and keep up with the frequency of posting as I have done always.

In the age of newsletters and quest for viral posts, I just realized that writing for yourself can be oh-so-liberating! 

Here is to more writing and a better me...

Corporate Lesson #1: ALIGNMENT...Definition and FAQs

C-World has returned back with full vengeance to take its revenge on Mr. Academics.

Everyday I am learning new things as also new techniques that people use here to cope with the artificial personality we portray from 9-xyz pm. And one great tool, a solution to most of the C-World travails is "Alignment". I did not know this during my past incarnation as Engineer, but am learning that its much more important when you need outputs from people instead of computers.

So what the hell is this "Alignment"?

Let me share a small story. One day my Boss asked to write a document and present it in a meeting. Well, my mistake, I thought that I've been hired to bring fresh views so I put some of my perspective to it. I devoted 2-3 hours in developing what I felt was a good document for the meeting. Unfortunately I forgot that unlike computers, people have their own minds. So I committed the grave crime of not "Aligning" it with my Boss. You can imagine what would have happened in the meeting. Needless to mention, I was lynched by my Boss and all others over each word written in the document!

Lesson learnt: Alignment is the key to success. This alignment is not about what your consumer is thinking, its not about what competitors are doing, its also not about where is the industry going..no..no..all this is sham. Alignment is all about what your Boss is thinking. You grab that, you are right, you don't get that, you will be incinerated. Alignment is absolutely needed to get accolades and flourish in job....especially a job that deals with people. Poor computers, I used to hate them and call them innane but they were so good...at least they did not play mind-games with people who worked for them!

So Ladies and Gentlemen, here is the Corporate Lesson #1: the Mindgame of Alignment. You need to be constantly on your toes, thinking...no not about the market or technology, but about what's in your Boss' mind. You should spend all your time in guessing what he or she is thinking and be able to get it right. As long as you can guess it all, you will carry the day...your all recommendations will be praised/accepted and you will be perfectly aligned! But dare to think differently, dare to have a different view.....you start going out of alignment and should be ready to face the music.

Formal Definition: "Alignment is defined as a process by way of which you stop thinking and step into your Boss's shoes (however stinky they might be!) to synchronize all your memos, recos, ppts and docs with his or her thoughts. It can be easily achieved by forgetting your academic knowledge, loacking up your mind and toeing your Boss's line of thought. Experience has shown that its necessary for success and is directly proportional to your rating, promotion chances, salary hike and your probablity of stay in the company"

Ok Guys....I'm ready to face the questions...shoot....

FAQ 1: One moment...didn't we think that C-World rewards "Creative thinking"...they need "Innovation", "Big Ideas", "Out of Box" thinking....?

Ok...you again get it all wrong. Innovation is fine so long as you don't propose anything that your Boss never thought of, Creativity is fine so long as you are able to capture your thoughts within the cage of cliches and "Best practices" of your organization's "values and culture". Dare to be different and well, you got it, you will be mis-aligned again and as I warned you, that's BAD.

FAQ2: "How do I guess what's in Boss' mind...its so tough"..

hmm, Good question (when I say this, you know that I dont know the exact answer)....All I can say is, there is data out there and instead of stupidly wasting your time in thinking about your work and increasing your knowledge, you will spend your time much more fruitfully by mining all the data to think what he or she thinks about the matter at hand. Some more tips: put your mobile recorder on during meetings to capture eveything that he/she speaks on matter during and simply put that in the document on the topic...your work is done! More importantly, record/note/capture what ever his/her Boss is saying and simply type that down in all your docs...he/she will be automatically aligned to that, however cliche' it might sound...its all a chain of alignment out there and you need to link in it or you'll be out of your job.

And you thought that its all about having knowledge and demonstrating creativity....

FAQ3: So it means I should not spend my time in learning, increasing my knowledge...isn't that essential for my success?

Sorry....you still didn't get me. Ok, tell me one thing....what do you want to be after success...a professor or a manager? Manager, right? Then why do you need all that knowledge? Your job is to simply take info from one place and pass it to another. In a reverse flow, you also take knowledge from your Boss and percolate it down to your subordinate (if any!)....and hence we all live happily aligned ever after! If you succeed in aligning it right, first time, you are already successful and no longer need any high sounding thing like "technical knowledge" etc etc...

FAQ4: I'm fresh from college and it all sounds so dramatic. Can you give me an example to tell how alignment can work for me?

Ok...not your mistake. In college you copy-pasted what Google spewed, in C-World you need to copy-paste what your Boss is spewing...believe me, its as simple as this!

Let me tell you another incident: once my Boss asked me to develop a presentation. Well, I sent it across and got a reply that I need to explain him what I'm planning to speak on each slide. So I made some slide notes (I noted that he had also made some notes, I was wise enough not to delete them) but was foolish enough to add my own thoughts. Needless to mention, during our meeting he poked into each word that was in the slide notes and since it was not "Aligned". I received delivered a big sermon on why everything that I had written was "irrelevant to the broader audience". Well, finally he arrived at what he had himself written earlier and went on to ask "What's meant by this stupid sentence"....You can imagine how he would have felt when in a very plain voice I answered: "Well, Boss, you wrote it". That's it..he had written it, so it was aligned. Very soon he built up another story on why this sentence made business sense and should be spoken during presentation!

So the moral of the story is: what Boss writes is always correct, and what you write is always wrong, unless of course you toe his or her line of thought. I hope you got the drift!

Ok...guys, one last question please...

FAQ 5: You are wrong....my Boss tells me that she needs my thoughts, my perspective and originality in all my deliverables...how do you explain that?

Well, didn't your HR ever tell you that you are "invaluable asset, required for company's progress"...doesn't your CEO always tell you that the times are "awesome" and that "this is the best time to be in the company" and doesn't your colleague always tell you that he is "doing well"....well my dear friend, its like someone asking me "how are you" and me replying, "I am fine"! I hope you got the answer. Remember one thing, C-World is one big chain whose links are all aligned. Try a radical originality, try "disruptive innovation" and the high chance is that, you will end up disrupting your own job!

Well enough of questions....let me confess that even I am still learning to align and I know that everyone from CEO to lowest level worker in the co is Aligned...thats the thing that binds all in the corporate world. All the best and happy alignment.... I promise to get back to you with more stuff meanwhile, let me know if you are aligned to all that I told you!!

Marketeer from Hadoi Freshenes the developed World

Hi! I have done Masters in Marketing from a "Reputed Business School in East India", for an occupation I sell (no sorry, I Market) Air Fresheners and Air Deodorants to housewives in the developed world.

Yes, I market fancy items to people in developed world but I'm from Hardoi, the place that's worse than the netherworld nations in Sub-Saharan Africa, if I'm to trust the word of some academic researchers.

So being from Hardoi, I have never used the product that I am marketing. The main concern of mine and people around me for past 20 years of my life was to get "mosquito less air" and not "odour less air". Though to be candid, I have also never met the consumers to whom I am marketing. For me my consumers reside in brilliant graphs and data on the desktop. They are in powerpoint slides and white boards in meetings...they are in SPSS data tables and numerous m cross n matrices. But that does not stop me from knowing which Deodorant they use and where they use it. So let me share their world....so different from Hardoi!!

If have one word to describe them, then that would be "out-wordly". I mean, who in this mundane world would ever use on type of Freshener in toilet, another type in fridge, a third type in shoebox and a fourth type in almirah! And thats not enough, the same fella also uses Aerosols with "exotic scents" like "Pumpkin Cake and Cinnamon Cookies" and "Exotic cool Springs"...God...give me a break! I never knew that someone could actually love to remain in hospital like this...but my consumers do it and they are not senile: they are "sensorial". Well, imagine Babu Ram Dulahin (BRD) going sensorial and asking her grandson Kallu to use "Apple Spice Deo".....I'm sure that Babu Ram would not be impressed!

And what's my objective: prove to them that its not enough! Ensure that they use at least 2-3 more varieties of Fresheners and Deodorants...they use it more frequently and they use it use more each time they use it. So I give them new reasons: in winter use Deo for fabrics cannot be washed, in summer use Deo for germs breed in sweat, In rainy season again Deo to suck out humidity, in spring again AF...if u feel bad odor use Deodorant, if you feel low, use Freshener, if you feel ANY odor, use Deodorant...Deo on your socks, Deo in your kitchen, Deo on your mat...Deo here, AF there....there is no stopping.

And in Hardoi? How I encourage a Sarad Kumar use a plug-in Freshener when he does not even have a bulb in his house? And can I ever ask a Kallu to use an Aerosol when every 10 minutes a stray pig, freshly bathed in human waste from nearest open drain, disposes off its own waste right outside his door? Will Tarri ever use a "Placement Deo" in Toilet when the toilet neither has a roof nor does it have a system to flush out waste? Will Ram Khilavan care to try a fabric deodorant when he does not even have enough fabric to wear to face the chilly winter? Will Majhlau ever give a damn to humidity when his main task is to fill the seeping water from walls and ceiling into buckets and throw it out every 15 mins during rainy season. Who cares about mal-odor on cloths when there are not enough cloths and who cares about freshening the house when having a house is a big deal? Well, incense stick is probably the most common Air-Freshener in Hardoi, Thanks God (pun intended!)

And for the concern on Mal-Odor: will Sonu ki Amma ever care for mal-odor in rain when the fresh odor of the unpaved floor fills each room with a natural scent! How do I ask the next-door-housewife BRD use Deo when she her way of cleaning is pasting cow dung around the walls and floor of the house? And also imagine, what "exotic scents" would come out if Hardoi junta was to turn sensorial and participate in a consumer test...forget the rocky springs, try marketing: "Kacche Aam ki Teekhi Chatni" or "Subah ke mandir ki khusbu" or may be, "Lakhan Halwai ki Garam Jalebi, Kesar Walee"...or it might be even be: "Hamree Gaeaa ka Subah wala Taja Doodh" and finally: "Ghar per jaise Gobar ki taaji Lipai"!!

Thats the difference between developed and under-developed market for you. I make fancy strategies to market to developed world while my roots tell me that the product is something I can never identify myself with, unless of course, I forget my roots and become sensorial, something thats too difficult now! Of course, no one in right mind ever think about marketing Deo and Fresheners to consumers whose idea of freshness is a cold bath from water right out of a well. And even I won't do so...sorry need to go, my consumers are calling from the data table...though I guess that somewhere deep inside, Hardoi is calling too!

A typical day in C-World Post MBA

Some changes and also back to the square one.

First the changes: I am married to my long time fiance'. The marriage was a traditional Indian one with all the lavish affair, people dancing on the road et al...anyways, once in lifetime you do need to participate in this 'fancy dress' party for the sake of traditions, so no point in grumbling about that. The marriage life of course has its own set of blues, but more on that later....

But now, its back to the square one, literally. (My new office is in a location called "Square One"!!) I am back to the corporate world from the world of academics. Its, as usual, a sea of cublicles interspersed by "meeting rooms" (here u also have "huddle rooms" and "calling booths") and terminated by a coffee machine dispensing synthetically brewed "office coffee" which intimidates me. Oh how I remember the simple pleasure of lying on my cot in front of the table in college and browsing through the books I liked at my own leisure. But thats a passe'..I am now bound to sit on a chair (which can be twisted and turned in multifarious ways, the exact mechanism of which I am yet to learn) and keep peering at the laptop. Now thats another change...I now flaunt a laptop instead of a desktop. So, instead of being tied to a tether for 8 hours a day, I now carry the tether whereever I move. Nice change, isn't it?

Lets go through a typical day at this new abode.

I start off from my apartment wishing that I do not meet a colleague enroute. And why do I want to avoid this? Probably because I'm sick of all those synthetic talks. Once with someone from office, even the most Indian person makes it a point to talk in English and sound cheerful..so here goes the first greeting...(heavily accented).."Hi man..Good Morrrrning...so how is it going?"...well, I'm baffled...to start with, I do not know this guy, elsewhere he could have chosen to ignore me, but why its here, while going to office, does he make it a point to greet me in a way that sounds as if we were old buddies! Next, what's the point in "How is it going"...come on, you know I won't say like: "Now that you have met me, its going really pathetic..bad morning!"..well this is so naive, don't I know that this is "small talk" and thats what that matters in office. I wish I could make it big in "small talk"!!

Somehow, trudging and trailing along, I reach the office buliding. The huge glass and marble cage greets me. As I move on, I am joined by several smaller streams of people going towards the same sea of concrete, Office. I stand non-chalantly at the elevator bank, a smile (which is clearly sham) adorns my face. This is to mechanically respond to all the Hi's being muttered around me. Some people will pretend to be overly busy...they will just keep looking up or looking down, or simply be lost with those two small appendages in their ears. The elevator's sharp "Ding Dong" breaks my trance. I move along with mass of well-dressed humanity and board it. (My biggest unfulfilled fantasy is to go in an empty elevator, right upto my floor, without stopping..till now I have got to do this only on Sat and Sun)...as elevator goes up, i stand behind the masses in deathly silence. Its an almost eerie, as if everyone is mourning over something....I pass time by pretending to look at mirror in front and commenting (of course silently) on the people around. "The lady next to door is wearing too short a skirt..her legs are real slim...the guy next to her is so gruff, he is pretending as if he is going to announce quarterly results of entire company right outside the elevator...the madam next to him is so cute...her tresses are real curly...the uncle near the elevator button panel seem to scream that he is carrying a NEW APPLE LAPTOP...the guy next to me thinks that all the songs should be heared by others around him as well, the cacophony is seeping out of his stupid appendages...the aunty next....", my reverie is broken by another "Ding-Dong"..there are some "Excuse Me"..there is general murmur and confusion. Invariably, someone whose floor was the first one stands at back and then mutters several excuxe mes' before getting out of the bloody machine. Anyways, I realize that I had forgot to press the button for my floor and hence repeat the same sequence on my journey down to my floor. Thankfully, this time I am along with a lady. I spend time in X-Raying her autonomy through the mirror in front.

Ah Finally, I am into the Karma Bhumi..the OFFICE. I pull out my doggy tag out of my pocket and wave it over the door. "Khul Ja Sim Sim"....and the mysterious glass door spreads its fangs to let me in. I go to the board where all those seating tags are placed. It's "flexi-seating" and I look for the seat farthest from my boss or a intruding colleague. I stick my tag and move inside, only to discover that the seat is occupied by some moron who did not care to put his/her tag on the board. Anyway, I take a deep breadth and stand apart, mentally deciding the most appropriate and empty seat. I spot one after around 4 iterations (till now everyone knows that here is a confused soul looking for a place to sit) and first keep my bag and then put the tag. Ah..big deal, finally I got a place to sit, what next?

I keep my bag and take out my mobile phone charger, laptop charger and laptop in that order. I plug in the chargers, the red lights light up to show that I am in the danger zone now. I plug-in the LAN cable and half-heartedly pull up the laptop cover, press the ctrl-alt-delete sequence, and the show begins! If there was no microsoft outlook, there would have been nothing to do in the office before lunch. But its here and so all the mails come pouring in. I keep counting with anticipation as mails are downloading with snail pace....I wish it could be slower for it helps me to show myself as busy, simply staring at the screen. 10,11,12...the count goes on and I am more and more happy...it has stopped at 17 e-mails...good enough to last the entire day.

Now e-mails in the office can be classified into 3 broad categories: Official, Forwarded and Global. The rough proportion of these three categories in the daily quota of received mails is 20-50-30 percent respectively.

I first go through the forwarded stuff. Wow..thanks to all these friends around the world who are equally free in office, I get to read and see loads of PJs, lewd jokes, morphed pictures, fake stories, warnings to forward the stuff 6/10/20 times (these days these guys r getting ambitious, they have made their threats sound more potent and number of forwards required is also increasing...good, at least someone is preogressing) and all other kinds of trash. Wading through this mound of trash is interesting and it easily consumes the first hour, by which time the decible levels around me have substantially increased. I don't know why people make it a point that their animatic telephonic discussions, stupid mobile ring tones, pathetic jokes and everything they utter should be heared by everyone around....is there a thing called privacy in this damn society???

Anyway, I now move to global stuff. The global e-mails want to somehow tell you what's happening in this "big multinational organization", who has been transfered, who has done a charity work, what's happening in different units, how we are living in great/challenging/awesome times (depending upon whether some business leader, CEO or HR manager wrote it)... blah..blah..blah..Give me a break man...I'm unable to manage my own life, how the hell should I bother if some "Tim Moody" has been replaced by some "Scott Redge" in some high-falutin place like New-York? It neither changes my life nor does it changes my salary, so why bother? And by the way, each day is the same, I never realize that we are living in any awesome time or something. In any case, I do read Global stuff for 2 reasons- one it helps you to show yourself busy while doing something that's politically correct (excuse me, I am reading the mail from "Business Leader") and more importantly, it helps to pass 1-2 hours.

How much I tried to avoid it but it has to be read finally. I start going through official mails. They can be sub-classified into 2 categories: Actionable and FYI. The FYI mails are good..they make a good read, keep u updated on the latest gossip, provide material to bitch about a colleague and help u know the latest on grape-vine. Now I come to the "actionable" ones..ok..so they need action. Its already 2.5 hours in office and half an hour later it will be lunch. So why bother about reading them right away...I take a deep breadth and move towards the coffee machine.

I pass through the other souls who are either peering on their lap-top screens, talking on mobile phones, wringing their hands excitedly in a conference room or writing something aredently on that white-board inside the room in pens of multifarious color. I look around to see if no one is around the place (thats because my way of making coffee is very weird and here people may find it disconcerting) and if there is none, I quickly move towards the machine. I ignore the machine (I make it manually consume maximum time), pull out the following: 3 sachets of milk powder, 1 sachet to sugar and 2 sachet of Nescafe'. Next I take a glass and fill it 3 quarter with hot water and remaining with cold water. I put all sachets in my pocket and take the glass in the hand (carefully scanning if anybody is looking at me) and then stealthily move out of the place. Just as I reach my seat, I find that I forgot to get the stirrer. Now, this makes things interesting. I have already a bunch of sachets at my desk, can't leave it here or pocket it before others...so I do the best thing, I cover it with my bag, keep the glass on my desk and move to get the stirrer. Once back on table, I am all set to make the coffee. I pour all the sachets in the glass (which is semi-hot) and stir it vigourously. The result is a unique concotation which probably none in the office would have tasted. I sip it and try to keep staring at my laptop pretending that I am seriously at work. This is official coffee, and the biggest advantage of my way of making it is that its so much time consuming, it takes around 5 mins to get the first sip!

Its the lunch time now, public has started moving out. Some people are social, they will just keep shouting "lunch..lunch..." even as they briskly wade through this sea of cubicles with 2-3 friends, addressing no one in particular. What an idea to invite all without taking anyone along!! Within 10-15 mins the office is silent. The coffee is also over and I am still trying to figure out the content of first actionable mail! Half an hour into the one-hour lunch, I decide to move out. I venture out alone (deliberately) and get down the building. These are few moments of independence. I enjoy them to the fullest by enjoying the savory smell emanating out of "Doughnut Factory" and "Bread Talk"..I even move around some shops imagining the taste but each time the desire gets overwhelming, I remember my salary, my responsibilities (I am married, I told earlier!) , my budget and the displayed cost. Result: I scurry out of the shop. I then take one complete iteration of Square One..I avoid the frequently visited areas to preclude any chance of bumping into a colleague and finally take the lift back to my floor. I prepare a glass of Milo the same way as coffee (Milo sachet replaces the Nescafe scahet) and my lunch is over! The good thing about doing it this way is that, those who eat upstairs think that I ate down and those who go down think that I ate up and in any case, no one was very concerned, so no one ever invites me and I am also saved the trouble of having to engage in more synthetic laughters and sugary talks. I can see across the glass that public is also having "working lunch" right inside the conference/collaboration rooms..now thats the height of business!

Well, its around 1:00PM and 5 hours still to go. Just when I start getting the gist of first actionable mail and am composing a reply, there comes this reminder. "Meeting at 1:30 PM"...good so here is an opportunity for some real cool time-pass. I get up at 1:25PM and start roaming around the meeting room. Initially I did not take laptop to the meetings but having attended few of them and having seen people around me busily exchanging messages on messanger or e-mailing, even as some excel-sheet gravid with numbers spread acorss the projector screen, I have also started taking my laptop inside. I have no one to chat with, so I keep reading the "Business Standard" e-paper.

10 mins past the due time for meeting, slowly everyone arrives and then I enter and occupy some corner seat to avoid as much attention as possible. if its a conference call then thats great..I mean I need to simply sit back and read my e-paper while some people, who are ACTUALLY required in the meeting will bark inside that 3 legged-black-demon on table. But if its face to face meeting then I need to pretend to pay attention, nod my head in agreement while looking at projector with interest, appreciate all the multifarious colors being practiced upon the poor white board in front and finally ask some questions which sound curious. Over and above this, I also need to pretend as if I am making ardent notes. The best contribution is to summarize the discussion and then come up with "next steps". One who does this, takes the cake.

In one hour, meeting is over. Some people, who are proficient in office culture, make it point to make some positive statement, especially when the boss is around.."Nice discussion", "Meaningful steps", "We are going ahead" etc..etc... I simply look at others and when everone starts leaving, I take the cue to exit that cold room whose temperature seems to be invariably set below normal. The meetings has left me cold..before I go for another round of mail check, I need to go to toilet.

Toilet, now thats another curious place in the office. Actually, "Rest Room" as it is called in our corporate world, is a place in its own right. Some people take the name seriously and come here to actually rest! Its my strong hypothesis that 90% people who enter the toilet chamber in the rest room, go there to sleep. Otherwise, Im a loss to explain the timelag between their entry and exit. Unfortunately I can never actually test my hyposthesis, but putting my ears behind the closed doors, I've often heared snores instead of "sounds" that you would expect in such "moments". And I confess to have done so. Outside these sleeping chambers, there is this row of sparking white pots embedded in walls, too deeply set to become embarrasing if someone decides to relieve himself standing right next to you. If this happens with me, I pretend to look right in front, staring at the wall. Imagine the worst case: if your GM/Director stands next to you and you are forced to talk business while performing a task as relieving as peeing....God save you! Thankfully, this has never happened with me and to avoid this I always use the corner-most pot.

After a 20 min of refreshing sleep in the "Rest Room", I come out after pulling out my due share of office tissues and burning my hands below the dryer. Now I start looking at more "Action Mails": someone needs market share data, I take information from one folder and attach it to mail without caring to trim it, sending more than 1MB mail hurtling down the server;another one requires "update" on last meeting, I simply research my Inbox, copy-paste the contents and reply back in form of an e-mail collage having writing in 3 different fonts; third mail asks me to "get back asap on next steps" on a project, I simply put some old data and type: "Rest is WIP.." and the reply is done. Thus I have dealt with all the mails with Boss duely in the cc...if in the end of the day I have at least had 15 e-mails in "Sent Items" folder (excluding acceptance mail to meeting requests!), I assume that I have driven enough "actionability". After "driving action" for about 2 hours, I realize that I am feeling drowsy again...I look around and find lots of "action" being driven around me....people are chatting (no, sorry, they are "collaborating"), some are laughing boisterously at God-knows-what joke (sorry, they are simply "letting themselves lose"), some are in an animated discussion, wringing their hands (they are actually trying to bring "alignment") and the people who went screaming "lunch-lunch" at 12:00 are now passing by shouting "coffee-coffee" to no one in particular and are followed by their loyal entourage .

I keep replying to action mails, some of them have generated a chain of replies and I keep replying until the subject field is filled with "Re Re Re...." Computer clock shows 5:30PM and atmosphere is changing. This is a moment I curse my choice of seat in morning. Next to me there will be some "visible" personality and people (including Bosses) will swarm aroound him/her, cracking innane jokes and laughing senselessly. Even the most stupid joke of Boss will be greeted with a guffaw and his/her each statement would elicit excitement. At this time Indians are speaking in a pidgin language: "My saas said xyz to me", "He cooks so ganda", "Chalo then, see you, bye"...I bear everything, trying to keep myself awake and counting the number of e-mails in my sent items folder.

Finally its 6:15, "Chalo then" has intensified and the group around me has dissipated. I too decide to call it a day after counting the number in my "sent items" folder for the day (I told you, 15 means a good day). I pull back the chargers in the sequence I had plugged them in, keep the laptop in the bag and zip it up. One last glance around me and I'm so happy for being independent. For the first time my feet are active and I move out of elevator merrily munching the apple. Having stepped out of the glass and marble charisma, I feel so relieved....at last I'm back to my house, a world where I can be on my own. where being "politically correct" does not matter and where no one would impinge on my personal freedom or try to mould me into someone thats not me...

A great day in office has just ended. Eroute home, rocking with the rhythm of train wheels, I marvel that its a working day of a Rank-2 in college, a merit-holder in school, an Electrical Engineer and a Marketing and Finance MBA!! But thats how the corporate world works...you need to unlearn everything thats academic before learning to survive here. I wonder then why I spent my 6 years in "learning" on the first place!

I Googled her out!!!

Well finally...after 7 years, I googled her out!! The "prayer" of IIT-G, the subject of my poems is happy and probably married. Well, 7 years...its a long time indeed. Time has turned full circle and things have changed everywhere. Before I go on a long monologue about the past time, let me constrain my thought and stop right here.
But the good news remains.....I tracked her and her picture is safely stored in my laptop (not to forget that Parle-G biscuit packet touched by her, thats still tucked safely in my baggage!!)

The Exit of a mercenary

Eyes nervously look around for a secluded nook, the feet turn jelly and words simply refuse to come out of the mouth...I stand nervously on the stairs, shuffling undeterminedly. I very well know that after 5 more minutes the my life in here will never remain the same. Just a few moments after now everything will seem so alien and and things otherwise quotodian will seem to be loaded with some "hidden" message. Oh how I had waited for this moment and how timid I am when the moment of reckoning has actually come. I think over, trying to find some fault with my organization..a casual comment from a colleague that hurt..unsatisfactory work...cramped workstation..delayed salary..less salary..something...no, I go over the list again and find that I have nothing against the company that warrants the step I am going to take..but again, wasn't I the same person who, till yesterday was a vehement critic of company policies and who wanted to leave this "heap of garbage" as soon as possible, why, now the same heap of garbage looks like a redolent bouquet of fresh roses!

Anyways, I muster my courage thats rapidly deserting me and descend the stairs. I tentatively look inside the cube to find my manager assiduously working on some xcel sheet, quite unaware of the "tragedy" thats going to confront him just a few minutes from now. I shake my head in pity and better thoughts again take over, but then I remember the last appraisal, the last award distribution, the last mid-year review and my mind fills with the feeling of retribution and it paints a cruel picture of my manager..my heart gets some incentive and before I even collect my words, the tongue starts blabbering.."Excuse me Srinivas..can I have a talk with you?"..I remember that my ex-colleagues have traditionaly invited him for a coffee or tea to accomplish this, but somehow I find it too artificial and therefore gently murmur: "..Its urgent"..Srinivas is up from his desk and very soon we are marching towards the nearest conference room even as I rehearse my spiel for the nth time. The colleagues are all eyes to this spectacle and their faces say it all: "One more down..".

Once inside, the door is closed and manager tries to sound as normal as he can be in the present circumstances and says:"Yes, tell me..". I know that he knows what am I going to tell him..I know that he also knows that he can't stop me..but then corporate ethics rule that we both carry out this charade, so here I go: "Well, Srinivas, I have decided to quit". Srinivas's expression changes from fury to concern and finally to resignation. He knows that this was coming from the time I have requested him to come to this glass room...so he speaks out, carrying out the formalities:"Is it a work issue or a salary issue" and to this my obvious answer is :"Well a sort of both, i think I am not getting good work and this very fact is reastraining my salary"...I pat myself for sticking to the rehersed script and a very experienced Srinivas persists: "So if we give you better work, will you stay back?"..hmmm..I am veterean and know that he wants me to call it a salary issue and portray me as a mercenery..but I am not going to fall for this booby trap...so here I go: "Well, its a different domain altogether that I am getting outside and I know that you won't be able to match that..its not a salary issue at all" and I say this even as I know that the last sentence is a blatant lie.

Rest of the things fall into place by themselves. The exit procedure starts, HR takes the charge, haggling happens over the relieving dates and finally,the relieving date is communicated. And thus comes the day thats supposed to be "The Last Day"...I enter into the office and busy myself in completing the exit procedure..everything seems so nostalgic..the Outlook, the workstation, the canteen, the colleagues..everyone is busy but still I feel a stillness around me..its something like the feeling of emptiness one gets while attending a cremation in a mortuary! I try to take a backup of every bit of data and I to (mis)use the Laser Printer for one last time to take copies of payslips and other important(or non-important) docs including my latest resume. And finally somewhere in evening, HR gives a call, an Exit interview (a set of Qs and As) is held and as I shake hands for the final time and take her leave she says: "Excuse me, can I have your ID please.." and thus I duely take out my doggy tag(even that seems attractive now!!) and surrender the same to her. I walk out exactly the way I had once walked in, with a folder held in my arms, sporting a smile, looking forward towards a new future...

I enter my workstation for the last time, shut down the PC and shake hands with colleagues. Some kind souls also insist for a photograph. Digicams click and flashes pop..I am reduced to bits on a digital file...and my physical being walks out heavily from the office. I get down the lift and give one last wistful look at the magnificient glass and marble building that I had once entered with a sunshine of hope..and then I walk out of the gate, never to look back again..muttering to myself these memorable lines:

The office was lovely and people were nice,
But my life needed more spice,
And many more jobs I'll quit for that salary hike,
and many more jobs I'll quit for that salary hike.....

A trip to MG Road

"You have never been to MG road..?" my friend was staring at me with the most contemtible glare,making me realize the gravity of my insolence. I felt I had committed a grave crime,an unpardonable sin,a most despicable solecism..."For 4 months you are in Bangalore and you have never been to MG Road..Shame on you!" Now, what the heck is MG Road? Just a road, right? Why create so much hype about a stupid lane? My words seemed to have infuriated my friend- "Road..its much more than a road..its the most happening place at Bangalore..its the place where you will see the real Bangalore glamour..pubs..girls..night life" and he went on to deliver a tirade on my apparant sacrilegious statement. I could not argue anymore before this staunch devotee of MG Road, I only wished he had the same regard for the poor fellow whose name was eponymous with this "glamour lane"!

So when a friend rang me up to tell that he was getting his Qualis along, all the way from Pune,just to enjoy the Bangalore "light life", I failed to quell my curiousity to get a glimpse of this much touted "night life" at MG Road. The date was April 09 and the time was 7:45PM..I was picked by my 3 friends at a traffic signal called "Sony World" in local parlance and thus begun my much awaited journey towards MG Road. A guy called Sanat seemed to be well acquainted with these "happening places" and played the role of our road guide. Enroute we passed Forum Mall where desperate couples tried to vent out their testosteronic kicks by indulging in some free-for-all-to-see fondling and cuddling...I never knew that one could be so desperate to fondle a lady's hair or touch her thigh until now..anyway...

The big vehicle rolled on and we were on a busy signal when the driver in the car running next to us braked on the red light and gesticulated with his hands. In Bangalore any such approach by a stranger is to be taken as hostile by default. So our friend-turned-driver Saket returned this mute compliment by looking angrily in the direction of car-driver and mumbling goodies under his breath...we were satisfied for making the hisab-barabar when to our extreme anger we saw the same action repeated again. Obviously,Saket was enraged and just as he was going to dart his head out of the side-window to give his earlier compliments a verbal-form we heared over the noise of impatient traffic broken words like "Light...loose..hanging.."..the expert mechanical engineer that Saket is, he took no time to infer that the fellow is referring to the headlamps of our Qualis, which Abesh soon confirmed, are dangling down. I knew that this trip was doomed.

We slowly drifted apart from the main stream of traffic and got down to take stock of the situation. The headlamp was indeed dangling down, kissing the bumper. Saket pulled, pushed,shoved and shook..try as he might, the light would not come out, so we decided to fix it somehow and drive slowly towards a stationery shop where we'll buy a cellophene tape to tie the loose ends. Driving cautiously to avert any further damage, we came to a huge glass shop called "Crossword". "This is the place we were looking for", Saket exclaimed. Before I could gather his exact intent, he had driven the Qualis down the slope to park it into one of the slots marked as "Reserved for Crossword Customers". And now he turned around to proudly proclaim to his bewildered audience: "Come down guys..aren't we Crossword customers? We are going to buy cello tape!"..So the guy was upto saving 20Rs on parking...well..err..we could as well pay and park..I protested.."Shut up and keep mum..we will Park for free.."..my protests being thus gagged,I had little option except to follow my merry friends inside the huge stationery shop, where we were going to buy a cello tape (and save 20Rs)...I somehow had this feeling again that our trip was doomed!

The experience in Crossword was great. There were ladies draped in rags revealing their assets most tantalizingly,there were gentlemen trying to act intellectual by gazing at a tome from autobiography section and there were kids criss-crossing through all the sections, making the shop resemble one big fare..in other words there was much more to browse than books. Anyway, Abesh and his roommate came down with cello-tape and we got it billed and started out, leaving the Qualis conviniently parked at Crossword. After a small dinner and a little walk we complacently started towards Crossword, Saket still too happy about saving 20Rs on parking and me still doubious about the trip. It was 10:00PM and the Crossword was closed. The parking was almost deserted except one or two cars.."Time to watch chicks at MG Road.." Saket exclaimed and he started the engine to pull the Qualis slowly above the slope. "Hey..something is amiss..I think we have a puncture..". My heart leapt..I told you...but by now Abesh and Sanat were down with Saket and the verdict was out : "Bastards have deflated 3 tyres of our Qualis..."..I told you the trip was doomed..didn't I?

Slowly we trudged the Qualis up the slope and we were soon joined by 2 couples who, like us,had returned after a merry trip only to find their spirits and tyres deflated. There was hardly anything we could do except to take tyres one by one to the nearest petrol bunk and get them inflated back. The expectatation of enjoying night life was soon reduced to the drudgery of jacking up the vehicle, taking out the tyre and replacing the jack with a heavy stone. This procedure was repeated thrice and very soon I found myself in an auto,surrounded by three deflated tyres, enjoying my trip on MG Road enroute to petrol bunk!

Auto wallahs at Bangalore are an edgy breed. They seem to know no other langauge than Kannada and interestingly, they would go on arguing regardless of whether the object of their tirade understands it. On such occassions they seem to be often hit by what may be called as a "Barking-Dog-Syndrome"(BDS),they will keep shouting inscrutable language at the top of their voice until someone shouts at double their decibel level to silence them. So in our case, when I tumbled out of the congested auto, the driver seemed to have taken umbrage by the fact that I did not pull out the luggage (tyres in this case) immediately. Before I could understand his problem, the BDS hit him and he began to throw the tyres out as if the poor deflated rubber rings had defiled his sacrosanct auto....Our experiences till now had not been very pleasant and BDS was the last straw...but this is Bangalooru, the cosmopolitian capital city of Karnataka..for every gibberish thrown at him an "outsider" is expected to be silent. I followed the norm and very soon, having spewed out his quota of vitriol against "ousiders" who had destroyed his heavenly land, I went onto the more mundane task of inflating the tyres.

The return trip to Crossword was thankfully uneventful. It was 11:15PM, our sense of humour was lost and the 4 of us went silently on the task of replacing the 3 tyres. Finally at 11:40PM we started back..silent deserted potholed roads and glimmering street-lights was all that we saw as the "night life". I thus returned back after attending a superb crash course on how to replace deflated tyres and endure BDS.

With all the tetchy autodrivers and punishing parking guards,the night life at MG Road indeed rocks!