The Silent Love..

I very well remember the first time I saw her...

She was sitting alone on a chair, her one hand elegantly held a mug of coffee and in other she held a letter. A lovely smile played on her lips as she read the letter. I felt a rush of jealousy creeping within me for the writer of the letter..must be her brother's, I consoled myself. She had nimble fingers and a beautiful face. Her lips were slightly parted and her long tresses flowed freely on her back..with a red pullover accentuating her features, i was dumbstruck and stood there, agape, silent,looking at her like a gauche..

So absorbed she was in her thoughts that she seemed to be completely oblivious to her surroundings. Did I mention that she was sitting in the most unexpected place? It was outside our mess,where any sensible girl will not expect to passby,leave alone read the letter which this Madame was doing. I wanted to rush towards her and tell her what a place it was..i wanted to request her to go.I could not afford to see her being admired by all guys around the place...i felt a surge of anger when I saw my batchmates leering at this statuesque lady. But alas, I was constrained..how could I blame my batchmates, when in fact I myself could not stop admiring her beautiful features...

Somehow I gathered myself and smiled towards her..she gave no response, but kept reading. I flushed..my batchmates laughed aloud. I was flustered and shuffled inside the mess. She did not seem to be much concerned about my embarrassment...this made me more desperate.

This was our first meeting...we both were silent, but then at times actions speak louder than words.

Time passed, but her beauty remained unchanged..she will still be there always. Whenever I went to mess I made it a point to take a digression and pass by her..there she will be sitting..as usual smiling and radiating her infinite charm. I could see guys vying to talk to her..to go near her..but somehow I was confident that she will not speak to anyone. The first person to speak to her will be me...

I inquired with people all around to know her name or her address..i put all my limited mental acumen to guess her antecedents. Every day I will go to mess with a firm determination to talk to her..to know her name...but the moment I will reach there my tongue will lock, my steps will freeze and my confidence will vanish into thin air. I will again stand like stupids,gazing at that lady and later become the laughing stock of my batch mates. And she will be as usual calm and staid..not a word out of her mouth, not a trace of recognition on her face.

I became obsessed..."Who writes her those letters"..I thought and thought..i became obsessed to the extent of dementia..I will dream of her..dream of her talk...Oh how mellifluous will be the voice coming out those lovely lips..how graceful will be her talk, how sublime will be her passions..her serenity charmed me and her silence seduced me.

Then one day as I was going towards the mess I saw that..and my blood simmered in my veins..there was the most vile guy of our batch..standing before her..i could not see her face but what i saw made me mad with a wave of jealousy and infinite sadness. There this ruffian was..standing close to her..touching her cheeks..and..and ..I shake even as I write it..and kissing her cheeks!!! Why this was toooooo muuuchhhhh. I failed to talk to her and here was this fellow impudent enough to KISS her! I turned back..my face flushed..my whole body shuddering with an impotent fury..why..why..why..questions were hammering in my mind. Why did I love her..why did I fail to see this secret tryst going on right before me..how could I be so insane...my heart was broken and tears rolled down my cheeks..I came back,locked my room and did not go to mess that night.

As night grew,so did the heaviness of my heart..around 1:00am when all was silent,when most of the inmates were either in their rooms or were completely out of their senses,I came out..for a stroll. Inevitably my steps moved towards mess. Something made me think that she will still be there..I moved on. It was a silent night whose stillness was broken only by the occasional slow murmur of insects around the ground. As I crossed the mess, I saw her..there she was..I knew she will be there..I cant explain it why..but I just knew! Silence of night emboldened me and what I saw today anyway had left me with little choice..I came close to her..she smiled..I whispered..almost to myself.."I Love You..Please Marry Me!!!"

I closed my eyes..expecting her slap to imprint her 5 fingers loud and clear on my face..i remembered my old ragging days and counted..10..9..8..(In retrospect I realize that it was really stupid of me to think so..but why, then my obsession had deprived me of the most obvious common sense!). So I counted..nothing came forth..silence all around..eyes still closed, I could feel silence all around me..until finally it became deafening. I opened my eyes slowly...she was still smiling..oh that serene disarming smile!!! And that moment I knew all..it all came flashing in that moment of realization..why,I was such a fool..she loved me all the way..only I was too naive to realize it..that vile guy was just a ruse to goad me into confession. of course we cant live apart..I HAVE TO MARRY HER NOW!!

I had seen this in films..I didnt know that it will happen to me..but at that time it seemed such an obvious thing to do.(Today it seems to be so idiotic!!). I slowly put my hand on her shoulders and took her in my arms. We came to my room together...I spent the night with her.

Next morning my life had changed! She was the magic..in morning I'll get up to wish her good morning..i will rush back from class to be with her..i will kiss her before leaving for class..i will spend hours, simply looking at her!! Life was a bliss. My room was the cynosure of all eyes. They rolled in jealousy no doubt..they passed all sorts of comments..they tried to malign her..but I protected her like a shield. They used to make stories around her, I didnt care. Thankfully none told authorities of her presence in my room. Already the mess workers were wondering where did she go!

Thus passed the 8th semester and the time came to bid good bye to the college. One guy commented: "You should leave watever u took from college to your juniors"...I was wild with rage..I slapped him..I could not stand a word against her. But then the reality slowly dawned...why, it was indeed not possible to take her home. What will my parents say? They know nothing..will they ever understand our true love? There were questions without answer. The hostel wardboy had helped all along in confiding my secret and now he requested me to leave her in his custody..he promised to take good care of her. I knew that he has taken her as his sister and she can live with his family, till i explain everything to my parents and take her to my home. She can come along with my junior.

Those were days of separation..we spoke nothing..in fact she rarely did. Whenever I saw her, my eyes welled up. I remembered the night when I had brought her to my room..when we married..i remembered the countless hours I spent basking in her smile..I remembered the good times we had in college..can I leave her? Well, I had to.

Finally the day came, I had rolled up all my luggage. My room,which had sheltered me for 2 years was empty and she was lying on the empty cot. In few moments we will be separated. Oh how selfish I was! I eloped with her and now I didnt dare to take her home..but then,life is like this. My auto came and ward boy held her...i slowly moved towards auto when suddenly my eyes met hers....I saw that expression there..that ever present smile,beaconing me back :"Oh please dont go..I will die without you"..Did i hear something? Or was it another hallucination I had out of the grief of separation? No..no..i cant live without her. I snatched her finger from the bewildered ward boy and took her in my arms..I kissed her and in the mist of my tears I saw her happy face. That moment I knew, I have to take her home..

Thus we completed our journey. An extra passenger, she travelled more like a luggage. I had to give conductor all sorts of explaination for this extra burden.He even took some extra charge, but I knew that every penny was worth it. We chatted all through the journey and finally after 52 hrs, the train was at Lucknow. I got down the platform and my home people were there to meet me. I took her in my arms and told my mother : "Mom,meet my wife". As they saw her they exclaimed in fury...my mother told that I should have left her from whereever I "picked" her up. Such words? i was incensed....but thanks to my sister Gudia..she took her in arms and said that she will live with us. I thanked her and thus split, our family moved towards home.

Gudia took her charge the moment we reached home. My love was allowed to remain in her room.
My mom, like typical mother-in-law declared that she did not want to "see her face"! But my sister took her care and when washed and fresh after the fatigue of long journey, my love entered the drawing room, my mom took me in the corner and whispered :"I know that ur choice cant always be bad!!!"

Honey...this is a single word for all I can describe how my Moms words felt to my ears..things happened the way I never even imagined. Why my Mom agreed on her sahring my room!!

And thus came that evening, when she bathed and decked herself up. My entire family gathered around. My sister helped with the arrangements and other trifles like bringing the stool, and we searched and located the most suitable venue: the wall above my bed. My sister decorated her with lace she had brought and stuck a small red "Bindi" right in the middle of her forehead. Ever beautiful, I took her in my arms. My sister held the stool below tightly and my parents held their breadth, until i had driven all 4 nails into the wall. Thence I got down and we 4 people went back and admired:"She looks beautiful, doesn't she? We wish we have a real girl like this for ur lifepartner" and in that sublime moment the picture on the Nescafe kiosk of our college mess was immortalzed on the wall of my room!!